I take yet another step into the battlefield, knowing that today is a day I will loose. But it doesn’t matter, because tomorrow is a new day and I will get up, fight again and win. One day at a time.
You are born to be real, not perfect
Photo: Nina Isabell Abrahamsen
I am packing for Italy and that small lump in my stomach wont go away. When I open the drawer to take out my bathing suits and bikinis that dark voice in the back of my head says I shouldn’t wear stuff like that. I am too big, my breasts are too shaggy, my legs have too much cellulite, my belly isn’t flat. I should just stay home. When I try on my dresses from last year and feel them tighten, the lump grows bigger. I try to push the thoughts away, not create room for them, try to remind myself that I am not here to be perfect. I am here to be real, kind and loving. But today it doesn’t help.
He is lying on the sofa next to me and I so desperately want to tell him how I feel. How the dark thoughts completely take over and how I just want to stay home. Not travel with his perfect and slim family members, afraid they will judge me. Afraid he will judge me, even though I know he never in a million years would. But I continue packing in silence. Because deep inside I know this isn’t me. I am stronger than this, I WANT to be stronger than this, and I don’t want to give that dark place any room for speaking. But it hurts. It really hurts.
I go into the bathroom, cry silently and hope that one day I will be able to let all of this go. Because I am enough, I am beautiful and I am strong. Strong enough to one day embrace all that I am and not having to feel like this anymore.
Lots of love from Henriette Sophia